Posts

update *I doubt someone will read this*

3.20.19 I turned 13 in December and I still feel the same. My mental health is the same. I lost a lot of friends. I kinda miss them but..maybe it happened for a reason? *trying to be positive* I have a feeling that one day I will finally be okay. I haven't been okay in a while. Lots of stuff is going on but I'm still going. I'm probably gonna fail in life but that's okay? I mean the only good thing that has happened while being home schooled is my doggo had puppies. Only two puppies survived. I love them both but it would've been so cool to see the others grow up. See what their personalities are like..see how they look. I feel like I fail at everything. I failed at being a good friend. a good daughter. a good sister. I failed at paying attention to Luke (the puppy I got attached to) when he was still here. I don't know if anyone who is reading this has ever felt that way or it just proves that I'm a freak and feel bad about everything.. besides all that sad...

Im being homeschooled

10.5.18 I've been out of school for two weeks now. My work comes in the mail on the ninth. its been fun..I like it because I don't have to deal with the bull crap. A lot of people there were just oof ya know. now I get to focus on myself and go at my own pace. ~baiii

Update? No one really reads this tho..¯\_(ツ)_/¯

September 24, 2018 Right now we have free time. Let me tell ya something..seventh grade is nothing like sixth grade. I’m scared and worried. I’m stressed. I can’t really think. I don’t understand anything in math. I’m slow. I think I’m just getting worse. My parents are thinking about homeschooling me but that means I have to teach myself...I’m already struggling so...I’m gonna struggle even more. I keep thinking to myself...“I’m not gonna get anywhere in life” Life is a pain in the booty *laughs a bit* so many other things I think about.. I’m afraid to live.. And to die.. I feel bad for making my family worry. It affects them. I don’t want them to. I have weird and deep thoughts.. I can’t control my emotions... Wow ma life is sad ~Baiii~

I made it (surprisingly)

September 18, 2018 I’m in seventh grade now. I’ve been in seventh grade for...(I can’t math) well it’s been a while well it feels like it. It’s been interesting but a bit boring (a good boring) my science/social studies teacher is so cool. I always look forward when I have block three. I actually learn something and it’s fun. Mr. Bertoletti is the best teacher ever! Sixth grade science and social studies weren’t very interesting. Those classes were boring and I learned absolutely nothing. But Mr. Bertoletti makes it fun and I remember information. Math and ELA have been awful for me..especially Spanish class. ~~baiii

poetry

Literary writing (I guess you would say)  Well Poetry can rhyme sometimes...I don’t have much to say about it though. I actually kinda like poetry it seems decent and fun. 

John Wayne Gacy

John Wayne Gacy was an American serial killer who was known as “The Killer Clown” who also violently raped, murdered, and strangled young male adults as well as children. At the time this event was happening (1972-1978) he was struggling with his sexuality even as a child. John Wayne Gacy was born on March 17,1942 in Chicago. Gacy had been divorced twice and had two children. Earlier on in Gacy’s life he was an artist then created Pogo The Clown. When Gacy dressed up as Pogo he went to children’s birthday parties and would sexually assault them.    His first victim was Timothy Jack McCoy a fifteen year old male. The date of this murder was January 2,1972. Gacy lured McCoy into taking a tour around the city with him. Then Gacy let McCoy stay at his home for the night and promised to take him back to the bus stop in the morning. The next day McCoy wanted to say “thank you” for letting him stay over night by making some breakfast for both of them. McCoy had a kitchen knif...

Do I have regrets? Did I accomplish anything? Did I improve?Well then let’s talk about it

Well the school year is about over so I have to talk about regrets that I have you know that stuff.. This school year was emotional because lots things happened.. In the very beginning of the year I was very very very quiet and I hated myself. I wore baggy clothes because I didn’t want to show myself, I thought I was ugly. The very week of school I only had three friends and talked to very few people. I didn’t stand up for myself much, I was too scared to because usually it was the so called “popular” kids who teased me. To be honest I was pretty depressed the first two months of school. I was suicidal too. I didn’t know how to control my feelings and I made weird choices at times. The main thing was I didn’t have any self-love for myself. I hated every part of myself. And Now......... I have some confidence but not a lot though and I’m more social. I talk to more people and have more friends. I lost gained three friends and lost them and we don’t talk at all we make no contact...I...